Kelly Oxford is...
- A wunderkind producer of pirated stage productions for six-year-olds
- Not the queen of the world
- An underage schnitzel-house dishwasher
- The kid who stood up to a bully and almost passed out from the resulting adrenaline rush
- A born salesman
- Capable of willing her eyesight to be 20/20
- That girl who peed her pants in the gas station that one time
- Incapable of making Leonardo DiCaprio her boyfriend
- A writer
- A certified therapy assistant who heals with Metallica mixtapes
- "Not fat enough to be super snuggly." —Bea, age four
- "Bitingly funny. But everybody knows that." —Roger Ebert
- Sad that David Copperfield doesn't own a falcon
- A terrible liar
"One of the funniest voices to ever hit the internet... Uses her trademark blend of biting wit & deprecation to find hilarity in everyday life." (NPR)